Penguin Books have so much to answer for… We are absolutely horrified by Morrissey’s new novel, ‘List of the Lost’. All the reviews are true – read this excellent rinse by Michael Hann in the Guardian – he is spot on. The book may only be 118 pages, but reading it feels like a horrible, long, draining penance. So, why on earth did he write it? Really, there are only … [Read more...]
100-Word Fiction: Tiddles the House Cat
For the fifth time that morning the little cat pushed her head repeatedly against the old man’s hand in a vain attempt at coaxing it into life. For ten years the lazy tuxedo had wanted for nothing. She had been doted upon to the point of obsession. Her bed had four posts, dinner was always catch of the day… and her ears were the subject of endless poggling. Leaping up … [Read more...]
100-Word Fiction: Not-So-Original Prankster
If only he’d stuck to gluing pound coins to the floor. But no, he had to go further, and Manchester Printworks on Sunday morning was perfect for it. Placing a small baggy of washing powder on the ground, he stepped back and waited. “Excuse me son,” said the bemused policeman, “are those your drugs?” When all you’ve got is a childishly idiotic excuse, it turns out … [Read more...]
100-Word Fiction: Drinking with Graham
“I won’t have a pint,” said Graham moodily at the bar in the pub they always went to. “I’ll have a large water.” This was not what Simon had hoped for, even though drinking beer with Graham could be difficult and this option was cheaper. “I’m having a pint,” he tried hopefully, but Graham didn’t respond. Holding their drinks they moved down the thin, dark space, to the … [Read more...]
100-Word Fiction: Numbers Game
“I like you. I want you to be my girlfriend.” As the girl on the other end of the phone launched into a response, he stared intently at the mirror opposite his bed. “See, you do remember, yeah. I work with Mark at the Oriental. He gave me your number.” Looking down from the mirror he continued tapping out a text. "Okay, I’ll speak to you later." Glancing back at … [Read more...]
100-Word Fiction: Cuddling Panda Babies
They were giant, fat bundles of soft-toy-fluff and all Sarah wanted to do was cuddle them. The trouble was, the panda babies were in China somewhere – on a breeding program – and Sarah was stuck in the accounts office in Macclesfield. “They’d nip you,” said her daughter, concerned over the phone, that evening. The next day, back in the workplace, Sarah tried to hone in on … [Read more...]
100-Word Fiction: Flight Check
The new equipment had arrived. This time Harry was certain of success. Normally he would have filmed the unboxing for his YouTube channel, but he was far too excited for that. "Power: 98%." "Camera: secure; infrared on; record activated." "Monitor: picture and sound, affirmative." “Flaps: working.” “Rotors: activated.” “Go for flight…” Gingerly, the young … [Read more...]
Michelle Thomas: Tinder, Click-Bait & Stupid Fake Journalism
Nobody appears to care about fact checking anymore. We live in a world of appalling click-bait rubbish and now obvious nonsense is getting picked up by the UK nationals and run with all the way to Australia… Hey, sorry darling, been stupidly busy at work, Thanks for a fabulous evening last night. Your company was brilliant - you're witty, fun and just the sort of man I … [Read more...]
Tabloid Bingo or: How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the News
We sifted through the papers for something to lampoon But this week was rather serious Lots of doom and gloom So with a deadline looming and nothing good to write We played our favourite tabloid game, of bingo… it’s alright A spot of prevarication rarely steers you wrong So we started out with Glastonbury as that’s an easy one We gathered up the stories, from the red … [Read more...]
Meet the Mexican Cheese Bandits of Salt Lake City
As you enter the Rose Park area of Salt Lake City, Utah, a majestic stone sign invites you into streets lined with mature conifers, oaks, aspen and maple trees. The houses that skirt these walkways are mostly one-story, made of brick and built in the 1940s and 50s. Each has a snaking path up to the front door and its own piece of land at the back. Yet behind its peaceful … [Read more...]